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55 Things You’ll Never Hear An Angeleno Say

October 23, 2014 2:06 PM

(Photo by Joe Klamar//Getty Images)

Face it, Angelenos are the best people on the planet. We’re fabulous, well-educated, and incredibly humble. We don’t mind that our city is filled with transplants from all over the globe, because after two weeks they’re one of us! We don’t care if you’re a local, a foreigner, or even a vegan. We are pure-blood Angelenos and we don’t care who knows it. That’s why a true, blue Angelenos would never speak any of these absurdities. Here are 55 things you’ll never hear an Angeleno say.

  1. Ugh, it’s sunny outside
  2. Go Yankees!
  3. You’re the first actor I’ve met out here
  4. I’ve been dreaming of waiting tables in LA since I was a kid
  5. I hate In-N-Out
  6. I hate tacos
  7. I love traffic
  8. Look! There’s the Hollywood Sign
  9. It’s fine, it’s like New York – cops don’t care about jaywalking
  10. Wanna grab a quick bite at Pink’s?
  11. Getting a medical marijuana card was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done
  12. Who is Vin Scully?
  13. Hey, get me in a picture with the Hollywood Sign in the background?
  14. Manhattan Beach is so ugly
  15. It’s getting cold outside. Time to pull out my winter coat
  16. It’s easy, take the bus
  17. Let’s hit an after hours bar
  18. Wanna go to the Hollywood Walk Of Fame this weekend?
  19. LA Football is awesome. Tailgate party this Sunday
  20. Let’s carpool
  21. Brr…Better bring gloves and a scarf
  22. Let’s go ride the Ferris wheel at the Santa Monica pier!
  23. You can totally navigate LA without a car
  24. I just love your fur coat
  25. Juicing? Ew no.
  26. I’ve never met a Jewish person
  27. I’m the biggest Clippers fan!
  28. Yeah, I’m from here.
  29. I’ll be there early, there’s literally no traffic
  30. It’s only 1 mile away – we can definitely walk there.
  31. Let’s go to the Grove – it’s so peaceful there
  32. Let’s take a photo with Superman
  33. What’s Runyon?
  34. I love earthquakes
  35. I don’t mind my parking ticket because the street sweepers do such a good job
  36. This club would be a lot cooler if more people knew about it
  37. Paparazzi are honest, good-natured people
  38. Let’s replace our Sunday brunches with Church!
  39. I wish my girlfriend would stop doing yoga, those pants are so ugly
  40. Paddle over, the more surfers the merrier!
  41. The beach is the worst
  42. OMG there’s a celeb
  43. I’m so tired of this weather
  44. Let’s cruise Sunset
  45. I love the 405
  46. Carmageddon was so much fun
  47. I totally get why they have 7 different parking signs
  48. It’s so affordable to buy a house right now
  49. I’m sorry, you were here first. That’s your parking spot.
  50. I’m jumping on the subway right now to meet you.
  51. Let’s take a TMZ bus tour this weekend?
  52. The Hollywood Bowl is so overrated
  53. Avocados are disgusting
  54. Downtown LA is like the West Coast’s New York City.
  55. Scientology is so cool

by Jordy Altman



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