Here we are in a world of chaos, the living dead are running rampant and rabid. It’s a damned serious serious situation-it’s the Zombie Apocalypse.
Electricity and cell phones are down, food is becoming scarce, and the 405 and 101 are auto graveyards. Things are scary, the world is crumbling before our eyes, but we are KROQ listeners and what is our number one priority? Music is of course! There’s vile, diseased monsters out there who want nothing more than to feast on our brains, but that will not deter our will to rock!
Thankfully we have a boombox, because my iPod and iPhone have been dead and useless for weeks. This boombox may be an ancient piece of technology, but it has a CD player and we listen to the CD’s we looted….er….bought at Amoeba, and CD’s that we burned from my iTunes library a while back when we still had electricity. It’s always good to have hard copy back-ups of your music, along with a butt-load of ‘D’ batteries, just for occasions like this. But most importantly, we have the radio.
KROQ is still broadcasting and hasn’t changed much. The Emergency Alert System messages are kind of annoying, albeit necessary because they let us know about the hot zombie zones, but in between those it’s nice to listen to the familiar antics of Kevin & Bean.
Yesterday they had Beer Mug go outside the gates of the station to try to teach a group of zombies the dance from Micheal Jackson’s “Thriller”. To his credit, he managed to choreograph a sick dance routine with a big group of those brain-lusters. However, he may have let all that go to his head. After one-on-one dance challenge, he “got served”- as dinner. No seriously, they ate him. It was laugh out loud funny.
All of our favorite KROQ DJs are still there too: Kat, Stryker, Nicole, and Sluggo. Well Sluggo, ironically enough, has been a human-meat-loving, zombie-beast this whole time, just no one ever noticed (everyone just thought he was misunderstood). Right now he’s spinning Rob Zombie “Living Dead Girl”. It’s a very fitting soundtrack as we watch, from the roof of our school, a wretched zombie gnaw the meat off of a human femur.
Amidst the absolute bedlam, we still have been attending KROQ shows. It’s proving to be a bit tricky to pull off due to the fact that zombies flock to noise and music, but no matter, we have not wavered. It’s actually turned out to be a positive thing because what this has done has turned us KROQ listeners into warriors against the living dead, and we have accepted the challenge with all the bravery and valor embedded in our loins.
The best show by far has definitely been KROQ’s Almost Acoustic Christmas. Obviously, the lack of electricity and acoustic music went well together, but that day was also the day we realized that zombies truly suck at moshing. I mean these bastards, once hit, just buckle and fall to the ground. So all of us just started slam dancing, with our windmill arms a-flailing, and we easily trampled and stomped them back to death. It was quite gory scene, and a bit reminiscent of the mosh pits at a GWAR concert, but nonetheless it inspired a sense of community, and a new constructive way of getting rid of zombies.
Now the rest of the world is starting to follow this model-lure the living dead in with mesmerizing music, then mosh them back to oblivion. They’re calling it the KROQ Method. Look at that, the KROQ listener may have just saved the world from the Zombie Apocalypse.
– John Kovacic / KROQ FM, Los Angeles