Movie Beat 2/3/12 – W.E., Big Miracle, The Woman In Black, Chronicle

It’s a big weekend in movie theaters. This week we’ve got W.E., Big Miracle, The Woman in Black, and Chronicle.

W.E.:

Finally… the film you’ve all been waiting for… Madonna’s new movie, W.E. By all accounts it’s one of the worst films of the year! Here’s the thing – Madonna can’t direct and she needs to stop! She also can’t act and can’t really sing anymore either. Just keep working out until you burst into flames and become a pile of ash!

This is a story that’s been told before. It’s King Edward VIII and American divorcee Wallis Simpson and these two fell in love. Naturally, he couldn’t marry her because, first of all, she was a divorcee in a time when that was frowned upon, and also, she was an American, and that wouldn’t work with the royal family. Edward decided to step down from the throne and from the kingdom in order to be with the woman he loved (though by all accounts, he didn’t want to be king anyway).

This film is supposedly just miserable. This is also reflected in a modern romance between a married woman and a Russian security guard, and their relationship supposedly mirrors this relationship and it’s told back and forth throughout the film. So Madonna’s taking on two stories here, not just the one, because she’s got that kind of “skill.” When Madonna comes on stage at the Superbowl, they should thrown cans of this film at her!

***

Big Miracle:

Drew Barrymore saves whales! I don’t care what Rotten Tomatoes says, I’m telling you, this isn’t good! It could be 100% but this isn’t good! Kristen Bell plays a reporter. John Krasinski plays a reporter. Everybody’s reporting about Drew Barrymore saving whales, Fred, Wilma, and Pebbles, named after the popular Flintstones characters. john Krasinski must have a horrible agent, as every movie he’s made as been a piece of… something not good. Drew Barrymore should be pelted with cans of this film.

The Woman in Black:

Now this looks good. This looks creepy good! Daniel Radcliffe stars a young lawyer who travels to a remote village and he discovers the vengeful ghost of a scoured woman who is terrorizing the locals. She is the woman in black. Scary movies sell, people. That’s how it works!

Chronicle:

This is my favorite movie coming out this weekend, by far. This is what I’m excited about. It’s called chronic-WHAT-cle. Nah, it’s just called Chronicle. It’s about three high school buddies who gain superpowers.

Now, you would think this would be a feel-good family movie about kids getting superpowers, but no. It’s a realistic take on what would happen if three teenage boys suddenly got powers beyond that of mortal men – far beyond the imagination when they start being able to do supernatural things. Their lives start to spin out of control, their friendships are tested, and the dark side starts to tempt them into doing things they wouldn’t ordinarily do. Chronicle looks awesome!

This film is shot “first-person”, which means it looks like the entire thing is a home video, and that’s what gives it that sort of intense first-person feel, and I think it’s an interesting story and I think it’s interestingly told as well, so I think Chronicle’s going to be your best bet this weekend.

***