Loquecia Recaps The Jersey Shore 2/3/12: Snooki Can’t Control Her Bladder

Yes, there was another brand new episode of The Jersey Shore on MTV last night, and no, we did not watch.  By why should we when we have Loquecia to do that for us? She can recap the show in much quicker time, and make it more entertaining.  It’s a perfect win-win situation, we don’t subject ourselves to this crap, and she gets to watch her “stupid white people”.

This week’s episode pretty much centers around Snooki’s bladder, and her failure to control it.  One night, she’s out at the club, as always, and just urinates on the dance floor.  You would think that Snooki would be mortified about the whole thing, and just go home, but that would make sense. Instead, Snooki heads to the club restroom and gives herself a “Shore Shower”: spraying her crotch with perfume. Then, she’s all good to get back to dancing.

The next day, as Deena was in her bathroom trying to get ready, she accidentally shocks herself trying to plug in her hair dryer.  Convinced she has ”electrocuted herself”, she turns to Sammi for help.  Sammi insists Deena is fine because “there are different kinds of electrocutions.” Yup.

If you were missing Snooki soiling herself, don’t worry, it happens again in this episode.  The bathrooms in the house are all occupied at one point, and instead of waiting maybe five minutes for one to become available, Snooki heads out to the patio and pops a squat.  Snooki, having “medical background” as a vet tech, deduces that she has a UTI, and says alcohol is just the thing to ingest as a “pain-killer”.

The episode ends with Snooki’s dad coming to visit, and Snooki giving her dad the news about her UTI. Of course, she has no idea how she got it.