Loquecia Recaps The Jersey Shore 1/27/12: Vinny Returns To The Jersey Shore

Last night was a brand new episode of The Jersey Shore, but of course we didn’t watch it. Luckily we don’t have to because our good pal Loquecia watches it every week for us. Even though she has grown tired of the antics of these “stupid white people” long ago, she faithfully recaps the episodes for us every week.

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Last week, The Situation left the house, but he made his return at the beginning of this episode.  The reason for his return? He left expecting people to chase him and beg him to stay,which did not happen. He explains that he’s very sensitive about stuff like that, because “he’s a Cancer”.

What he doesn’t know is that the girls of the house are planning a surprise party for him and Pauly D.  They decide that there has to be strippers at the party, so they go to  the “Wizard of Ass”  to pick out the girls. The party ends up going off without a hitch, and The Situation ends up taking home a blond stripper who had given him a dance.

The partying continues the next night at the club, where Sammi ends up disappearing.  Pauly ends up finding her in the middle of a girl fight.  Turns out Sammi got her weave grabbed, and in response “self-defended herself”.

Back at the house, the roommates still can’t get over Vinny being away from the house. Pauly decides that they should just go get him, so they pile into their Escalates and drive to Staten Island.  They find Vinny a changed man, and by changed, I mean he has a huge new stupid chest tattoo.  The episode ends with Vinny getting in the car with the roommates, deciding that he is ready to “continue his recovery”.