Loquecia Recaps The Jersey Shore 1/13/12: Vinny Leaves The House!

Last night was a brand new episode of The Jersey Shore, but of course we didn’t watch it.  Luckily we don’t have to because our good pal Loquecia watches it every week for us.  Even though she has grown tired of the antics of these “stupid white people” long ago, she faithfully recaps the episodes for us every week.

Last week, Vinny was dealing with depression because filming the show was keeping him away from his family. He says he is “burnt out, and pushing himself, but he can only get so far”.  Because getting paid to drink and party is VERY exhausting.  His job is affected when he shows up to work at the T-shirt shop late. When he boss pulls him aside, Vinny reveals that he has clinical anxiety, to which his boss expertly inquires if he “just caught it”.

The group wants to step in and help Vinny work his issues out, and decides that they best way to do that is to leave him at home while they go out.  Pauly brings home a girl named Shantal, sleeps with her, then proceeds to kick her out at 4am.  In the process, she gets a hold of his gold and diamond chain, shoves it down her pants, and leaves.  When Pauly D notices it is missing, Detective Snooki is on the case, and comes to the conclusion that Shantal ”obvi” stole it.  Shantal later returns to give the jewelry back to Pauly, and Snooki is certain she did it just to sleep with him again.

Vinny tries exorcising his inner demons with Ronnie’s help, but doesn’t think he can come out of his funk while still living at the house.  The episode ends with Vinny leaving the house, but really, he’ll be back in that house in an episode or two.