Kevin & Bean’s Miss Double D-cember 2012 Pageant Live Blog

Kevin & Bean’s Miss Double…9:50 AM: Big thanks to all of our KROQ patrons who made it down to Slidebar during the wee hours of the morning, and to the wonderful work of Toys For Tots for making this more than a beauty pageant.

Welcome to the family Joanna.  May God bless you and your wonderful fun bags.

9:40 AM: And the winner is…..Joanna!

9:27 AM: Top three finalists: Joanna, Lux, and Michelle.

9:20 AM: Dieu To is here, and funny enough his applause rivals any one of our big-chested competitors.  Yes, Dieu To is a real life walking human being.  He jumped into the belly of the crowd and was greeted with enough hugs and handshakes that would make Bradley Cooper jealous.  I think KROQ has discovered it’s latest homegrown celebrity.

There’s a fantastic feeling of camaraderie in the air with good reason.  Beer and boobies are running amok.

9:05 AM: A group of women wearing fake mustaches is present.  Not sure if they know Halloween has expired, but with the astronomical degree of perversion in the area I’m sure there’s a couple dudes with mustache fetishes.

It’s a party atmosphere in here.  If you’re familiar with Slidebar and how crazy packed it gets over the weekends, multiply that by four.  Cheers to afternoon hangovers!

Michelle Strips N' Spells With Ralph

8:50 AM: The second round of interviews seems to have ignited our competitor’s bisexual tendencies.  Michelle said she would date Dita Von Tease.  Lux said she would spend her final days on Earth having sex with a female audience member (prompting several attendees a visit to the bathroom for some heavy thinking).  Sierra’s question as to where she would like to have a wild sexual encounter was apparently too complex as she didn’t provide an answer.  Too many to pick I guess?

I was too distracted by Angela’s giant melons to remotely care what she had to say, and I think the crowd felt the same.

[Gallery] Kevin’s BEHIND The Scene…

8:33 AM: Now to the interview portion of competition.  Ralph asked Joanna what gift she most wanted from Santa, and disappointingly replied with a vacation to Dublin, Ireland.  C’mon!  No sex toys!?  Obviously her response was ill-received from our audience.  Meagan was asked what animal she would most like to be, and replied with a stroke of intelligence by responding “a cow,” because they apparently have big boobs.  Right.

Andy was asked what three laws she would enforce if she owned an island.  Her first was legalizing marijuana, which may have just won her the competition.  Nikki capped it off with easily the most kinky yet terrifying moment of the day when she said she would murder Angelina Jolie after having sex with her.  Frankly Nikki I believe Angelina would say the same about you.

8:15 AM: Just perused around to get a feel for the crowd, and there’s definitely some heavy imbibing taking place.  Bean just nicknamed Miss Double D-cember “Sausage Fest 2012,” and that’s pretty apt.  Spotted a couple of sausages rolling solo, which just looks weird.  Petros Papadakis turned up and we’re talking basketball.  Feeling I should definitely take a shot in honor of our upcoming NBA season.  However the crowd has made it clear they’re not here to talk about sweaty men sprinting to and fro.  The chant of “Boobies!  Boobies!” is permeating the bar.

7:52 AM: First up for the second round of the talent competition is Michelle and her talent of spell n’ strip.  Definitely scored major points sporting the naughty school girl outfit.  Next up, Angela got on all fours and displayed her talent of being able to bark like a dog.  What came out sounded more like a goblin making love, but kudos nonetheless.  Our blonde bombshell Lux then put on a little burlesque performance to the tune of “Closer” by Nine Inch Nails.  Never has that vulgar chorus made so much sense.

Addition to Early Favorites: Michelle and Lux

We’re almost at capacity and I just checked out the massive pile of toys that our dedicated morning revelers have so graciously provided for Toys for Tots.  A plethora of garbage bags are brimming with goodies.  We’re definitely putting smiles on a lot of kids faces this year.

Toys For Tatas (Tots) Big Thanks To The Marine Corps!

7:25 AM: Talent competition time.  Joanna’s first to the plate with a talent that gets every man’s testosterone up in the morning, poetry.  At least the focus was her giant flesh pillows.  As a fellow fan of literature, she did very well.  Surprisingly, she left to a hefty round of applause.  Next up was Kyla, and her less than amazing jump rope skills, but her Bouncing Betties made of for it.  Third, we have Meagan who hula hooped her way offstage to a chorus of boos.  Andrea took a shot using no hands, but utilized the crevice of her breasts magnificently as a drink holder.  Then there was Nikki and her clapping buttox.   No complaints there.

Early Favorites: Joanna and Nikki.

7:10 AM: Whoever is this year’s Miss DD has a pretty big bra to fill.  Our 2011 winner Christine is doing an amazing job handling the steady bombardment of picture requests and semi-creepy hugs.  As a side note, some guy named Danny just got booed offstage for his horrific rendition of “Little Lion Man.”  He was singing in a karaoke challenge to win Almost Acoustic Christmas tickets.  You can drink your sorrows by the bar now Danny.

6:50 AM: As estimated the mostly male-populated crowd is quickly making their way in.  Everyone is wrapped up in their best winter garb, pleasuring their pallets over a breakfast burrito or a Budweiser.  Yes, I think it’s safe to say there will be some inebriation going down this morning.

We’ve got enough camera phones to cover the Super Bowl in here.

6:31 AM: The sun is barely creeping over the horizon at The Slidebar Cafe in downtown Fullerton, California.  Before today I thought there was nothing beautiful about being up this early, but that’s all changed.  Everyone here is giddy.  Instead of planting our faces in a bowl of Cheerios before our way to work, a bountiful bevy of breasts are on full display.  We’ve just begun the swimsuit competition.  I can tell you the chill factor is no longer a problem with scantily clad women parading the stage.  I’ll trade boobs for breakfast any day of the week.