Loquecia Recaps Jersey Shore 8/12/11: Mike Tries To Romance Snooki

This morning on “Kevin & Bean,” Loquecia offered  listeners juicy recap to our ultimate guilty TV pleasure: Jersey Shore.  Yes, our beloved Loquecia watches Jersey Shore so we don’t have to. And, criticizing “stupid white people,” Loquecia unleashed her inner beast talkin’ about last night’s episode.

So here’s a quick recap of what happened: Mike tries to romance Snooki. Exes Ron and Sammi try to reconcile. Oh, and Deena pursues Pauly like the classless gremlin she is. Well, Loquecia had much to say about the Jersey cast…

Foremost, Loquecia poked fun at Deena, whose game plan is, um, to flirt with Pauly and maybe “his Italian sausage will be in her…,” (you guessed it). Nonetheless, Loquecia hopes to find this orange gremlin’s lifeless body somewhere in Italy. (I’m with her on that one!) Loquecia, along with the guys, also share an opinion about Snooki essentially rejecting The Situation: it’s the ultimate, ultimate LOW for him.        

More generally, Loquecia expressed an annoyance with the cast’s repetitive routines: tannin’, drinkin’, bein’ late to work, etc. “We get it!” she shouted.

To add, in last night’s episode, the cast received a call that they’ll be working at a pizzeria. “Stop pretending they need to get a summer job to live [each season]! It’s boring to us, so cut it out,” said Loquecia. She added that the cast (which earns $100,000 an episode!) has more money than all of us. So “pretending they need to get a summer job to live” is unrealistic.  

Ultimately, Loquecia emphasized the cast’s consistent stupidity; they ask, after passing each church, whether it’s the Vatican, said Loquecia. Needless to say, the Vatican isn’t in Florence. And, according to Loquecia and the smarter portion of America, “if you pass the Vatican, you’ll notice it.” To add, they roam around supermarkets as if they’re mazes. “Stupid white people,” muttered Loquecia.

~Written by Kevin & Bean Intern Justin