71 Years Ago, Chuck Norris Invented The C-Section When He Roundhouse Kicked His Way Out Of His Mother’s Womb.
Chuck Norris in Code of Silence.
Today is the day when action star, and awesome punchline, Chuck Norris was born. I almost feel too unworthy to even utter his name, but it’s too late for that.
Let’s celebrate his birthday by sharing our favorite “Chuck Norris Facts.” I’ll start it off.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
- Chuck Norris doesn’t blow out his birthday candles. He stares at them and they go out.
- When Chuck Norris takes a blood oath he always uses lots of the other person’s blood.
- Chuck Norris carved an N in Zorro’s chest.
- Chuck Norris owns the moon. That’s why astronauts can’t go there anymore.
- Chuck Norris has no real enemies. They’re all dead.
- Chuck Norris can play World of Warcraft on dialup. And win.
- Chuck Norris can’t have tattoos because the needles can’t pierce his skin.
- When Chuck Norris does pull-ups he is actually pulling the Earth down.
- It’s called Walker: Texas Ranger because Chuck Norris never runs away from anything.
- Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen San Diego.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
- The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
Alright, whatcha guys got for us???
Jheri
March 10, 2011 10:36 am
If you spell “Chuck Norris” in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
dAVE
March 10, 2011 10:41 am
Tigers blood is really Chuck Norris blood but Charlie Sheen will never tell.
Margie
March 10, 2011 10:44 am
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back to stop JFK’s assassination. He deflected all three shots with his beard and JFK’s head exploded out sheer amazement
eddy1988
March 10, 2011 10:45 am
fuC#ing chuck norris.
Carlos
March 10, 2011 11:21 am
The only BJs Chuck Norris enjoys are from tiger sharks.
Carlos
March 10, 2011 11:22 am
When Chuck Norris plays Modern Warfare 2, he gets more care packages than Haiti did.
Carlos
March 10, 2011 11:23 am
Studies show that Chuck Norris actually lost his virginity before his own father did.
Carlos
March 10, 2011 11:24 am
Chuck Norris is the only man alive that is able to punch God in the face!
Angie
March 10, 2011 11:46 am
When chuck Norris eats beef he forgets to kill the cow first.
Sheila
March 11, 2011 10:23 am
He doesn’t forget, he just doesn’t need to! LOL
Deanna
March 10, 2011 1:26 pm
Google won’t search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don’t find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
http://www.nochucknorris.com/
RaFael
March 10, 2011 1:57 pm
Chuck Norris Can Beat Super Mario Bros Without The Jump Button
Chuck Norris
March 10, 2011 2:01 pm
When Chuck Norris jumps in a pool he doesn’t get wet. The pool gets chucked.
Jason
March 10, 2011 2:46 pm
Chuck Norris’ tears can cure cancer… But Chuck Norris never cries.
Omar
March 10, 2011 3:16 pm
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a Unicycle.
Omar
March 10, 2011 3:17 pm
Chuck Norris can rub 2 fires together and make a stick.
Omar
March 10, 2011 3:19 pm
Chuck Norris built the log cabin that he was BORN IN.
MattGeeze
March 10, 2011 3:29 pm
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the periodic table of elements and destroyed it. The only element Chuck Norris know is the element of suprise.
MattGeeze
March 10, 2011 3:31 pm
There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
adam
March 10, 2011 3:47 pm
when Chuck Norris goes on stage he breaks someones leg to give himself good luck
Molly
March 10, 2011 4:26 pm
I heard this one so I don’t get the props: “Chuck Norris doesn’t celebrate birthdays, birthdays celebrate Chuck Norris.”
Ray
March 10, 2011 4:28 pm
Chuck Norris can play tennis using a waffle iron and a bowling ball
heartvixen
March 10, 2011 4:34 pm
Chuck Norris didn’t survive 2012, 2012 survived Chuck Norris.
Aaron
March 10, 2011 5:48 pm
The Incredible Hulk got “Chuck Norris Hands” for Christmas
Danny
March 10, 2011 7:04 pm
Chuck Norris once punched a man in his soul.
Ciana
March 10, 2011 7:09 pm
Chuck Norris was an only child…. Eventually
Danny
March 10, 2011 7:11 pm
Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through land.
OIF Vet X's 3
March 10, 2011 7:37 pm
Chuck Norris went to the Virgin Islands for vacation, now it is just called the Islands.
Gabe
March 10, 2011 7:43 pm
Chuck Norris lost his virginity BEFORE his father.
Donald
March 10, 2011 7:45 pm
Chuck Norris can speak braille
brad
March 10, 2011 8:10 pm
Chuck norris doesn’t read books he stares them down till he gets the information he needs
Steven
March 10, 2011 8:54 pm
Chuck Norris and Mr. T played tick-tack-toe. Mr. T won and out of anger, Chuck Norris created racism.
Steven
March 10, 2011 8:56 pm
Chuck Norris’ iPod shuffle has over 50 million songs in it because it’s too afraid to tell him it’s full
Steven
March 10, 2011 8:56 pm
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch because he decides what time it is.
Jody
March 10, 2011 9:10 pm
Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Scotty
March 10, 2011 9:12 pm
The question, which came first: The chicken or the egg? The real answer is CHUCK NORRIS.
D-Rock
March 10, 2011 9:49 pm
They once named a street after Chuck Norris but had to change it, because no one crosses Chuck Norris
JZ
March 11, 2011 6:18 am
Chuck Norris doesn’t tea bag the ladies he potato sacks ‘em.
Ian
March 11, 2011 6:19 am
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Troy
March 11, 2011 6:49 am
Oxygen needs Chuck Norris to live.
Jermz
March 11, 2011 8:15 am
Chuck Norris raged so hard for his birthday that he caused an 8.9 earthquake in Japan.
Burn
March 11, 2011 9:11 am
Chuck Norris Can Slam A Revolving Door!
Robert
March 11, 2011 9:38 am
Chuck Norris can get a roast beef sandwich at 3:00 AM on a Sunday . . . At Chick Fil-A
Chuck Norris puts the “laughter” in “Manslaughter”
Robert
March 11, 2011 4:17 pm
Chuck Norris had sex in a Semi-Truck once, some of his sprem got in the engine. That truck is now know as Optimus Prime!
MaryAnne Hampshire
March 12, 2011 6:16 pm
Chuck Norris is a ginger but no one kicks him…
Jason
March 14, 2011 9:17 am
Onions don’t make Chuck Norris cry…..they only make him stronger
vlee123
December 25, 2011 1:33 am
Chuck Norris does not age; every birthday is just another year added to his existence, which sucks for you.
Tiara Legier Payton
February 22, 2012 6:48 pm
crazy wild stuff man.