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Kevin’s Drive-Thru Rules

On Air
3/19/2010
2:49 pm

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Kevin’s Drive-Thru Rules:

  • Don’t special order or modify anything.
  • Don’t check your order. Take what they give you and drive away.
  • You know you’re gonna have to pay, so have your money ready.

Kevin responds to an email from listener Sam: ”Drive-thru is for speed and speed alone. If you want anything fancy, you should walk your fat, fast-food-eating ass inside.”

Click more to read the conversation and add to Kevin’s rules.

Caller Cody: Don’t piss off the people that are working.

Bean: The people in the world that you should never piss off are those that handle food before it gets to you… you will eat phlegm.

Caller Kellan: People who get up to the window and want to add onto their order.

Kevin: That’s right. You order what you order, and you get what you get! You don’t stop and go “by the way…”

Bean: You get up to the first window and you order and then when you pull up to the window to pick up your food and you’re dealing with someone that doesn’t even have a cash register at that point, right? That is weaksauce.

Kevin: Absolutely! So pull over, and go in. Do whatever you need to do, but stop it. Just get out of people’s way.

Caller Steve: Wife looks at menu like it’s in a foreign language. She wants chicken nuggets and she’ll sit there and like at how many nuggets she wants, every single time!

Bean: Yeah, she’s got be put down, dude. I’m sorry. Puppy Lake.

Kevin: Especially at a place like McDonald’s where we’re all super familiar with the menu! A: You know what they have and B: You know what you like.

Caller Vanessa: (used to work at In-N-Out): A guy who would come in every single weekend and order the same thing – burger cooked 30 seconds on one side, flipped over, cooked for 10 seconds on the other side, and wanted everything packaged separately!

Kevin: Wow! At that point, even In-N-Out, who’s known for their great service, should go “F-you! Why don’t you get out of line and never come back?!” That’s a guy that we can all agree on that. Some of my rules are extreme, but that guy…

Bean: That guy’s a douche-nozzle. Absolutely!

Kevin: That guy who wants to cook it for 30 seconds, and then only 10 seconds, and then put everything in separate packets – that guy needs the death penalty. Thin the herd.

Email from listener Sean: Hates when people use coupons in the drive-thru.

Kevin: I don’t know. If it doesn’t slow you up, then I don’t care.

Caller Kelsey: Disagrees w/Kevin about not checking the bag.

Kevin: My point is, you know when you go to that fast food restaurant what you’re gonna get. There’s not that much difference. Just take it and eat it, or get out of line and check, and walk in.

Wanna add to Kevin’s list of Drive-Thru Rules? Toss yours in the comments below.

19 Comments Below

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Paul
March 19, 2010 4:57 pm

I work at Starbucks. Starbucks Drive-Thru. And, I have a few rules of my own.

1. Drink/Meal Combo minimum – No more than 2 drinks and/or 2 meal combos. It is not fair to the driver behind you who only ordered 1 ITEM.

2. Ring Ring (Don’t even think about picking up that phone) – Each day at the speakerbox I come across at least 1 person who is talking or will pick up there phone while placing their order. Look, not only are making the drivers behind you wait, but your making me wait while I could be completing other tasks assigned by my boss. FYI, if you are one of these phone talking time wasters I will make you wait even LONGER once you get up to the window.

There was one case when a woman asked ME to HOLD ON while she picked up her phone and began talking for 3 MINUTES before hanging up. When she finally returned and started demading service I said to her through the speaker “Oh, give me just a minute” and make her wait for ANOTHER 3 minutes while I read the daily newspaper. Thankfully nobody was behind her.

3. Order at the speakerbox and NOT THE WINDOW. – There’s a reason why we have speakerboxes – TO TAKE UR ORDER.

4. One order per car, not “Can we do seperate orders?” – Bad things will happen if you do this. I’m just saying…

5. Car Wash please! – People people people, stay in ur car while sitting in the drive thru and do NOT get out and start cleaning ur car. I.E. wash the windows, put air in ur tires, clean out ur trunk. We are not a car wash.

6. Here you go garbage man! – DON’T HAND ME UR TRASH AT THE WINDOW. I DO NOT ACCEPT ANY TRASH OF ANY KIND FROM ANYONE.

7. No walk-ups or bikes

8. Shirt, shoes and PANTS are required. I’ll keep these stories to myself. Pay me for this one CBS…haha

Kevin & Bean I hope you read this and inform all SO CAL stoners (if you come through my drive-thru, YOU BETTER SHARE), non-smokers, and radio listeners worldwide with your ratings I’m sure we can change people’s drive-thru habits.

Paul

    Shawn
    March 19, 2010 5:10 pm

    Haha. Honestly though, who needs pants when buying coffee from a drive thru?

      Paul
      March 19, 2010 5:27 pm

      I’m there to get paid, serve coffee, and, LEAVE.

      Who wants to see some dudes “junk” in the drive-thru? Not me.

    alex
    March 20, 2010 12:00 pm

    When you work at Starbucks or any fast food join you don’t get to set rules.

Alice
March 20, 2010 12:38 am

That guy on the scooter looks very much like Viva La Bam’s very own Don Vito! Hahahaha…

diana
March 20, 2010 2:07 pm

i think you should check ur order because last time i ordered a pepperoni pizza and the gave me a cheeze pizza!!

B Cuz Im Awesome
March 20, 2010 2:08 pm

I hate when cars in front or behind you blast shitty rap music with f*cked up bass vibrating their trunk. I don’t want to here you sorry ass music!!!

Darth Vader
March 20, 2010 3:19 pm

Yeah, we used to have the same problems with the Death Star

fargo
March 21, 2010 11:21 am

sometimes (…all the times) i’m stoned and want to take a sminute to look at the menu, fine. but if another car pulls up behind me i just order right away. I hate waiting for stoned people like me to hurry up….

Guadalupe
March 21, 2010 1:11 pm

don’t get angry at the people serving your order when its you 1) didn’t know what you wanted and most definately 2) had a huge order that was super complicated.

David
March 21, 2010 3:12 pm

I ended up getting stuck in the drive thru yesterday behind someone who had a $40 order. Immediately, Kevin’s drive thru rules came to mind.

punisher jose
March 22, 2010 11:21 am

i really dont care but in the drive thru u should be quick about getting ur ordering ur food and leaving and ordering u buttpipes

G-Unit
March 22, 2010 4:59 pm

I totally utilized Kevin’s drive-thru rules the other day at Jack-In-The-Box – ordered 4 #8′s, completely as-is, no special requests, large sized, with all drinks Coke. Paid for my bag o’ crap, then left. Didn’t need to check the order.

Barbara Jacobs
March 23, 2010 8:52 am

Last week I was behind an SUV full of foreigners (maybe a family) at the KFC drive thru. When they got up to the ordering speaker they had to have a 10 minute consultation with each other and the server about what they were going to order.
Not only was it one of those big orders, but they didn’t even know what they wanted!

Lu
March 23, 2010 9:34 am

When you’re at the order microphone, go ahead and get your wallet out. At this point, you know you’re going to have to pay for the food. Don’t hold up the drive-thru by waiting until you’re at the cashier window, to get out your wallet and start counting money.

And, don’t throw your cigarette butts out of your car, in the drive-thru lane (or anywhere). Do you think the world is your ashtray???

Joey
March 23, 2010 9:34 am

i agree with the not checking rule. its your food. what ever is in the bag is what you get. you say to them that you ordered something different, they’ll mess with your food. youll order a big mac and youll get a big mac with jizz in it.

Mandy
March 25, 2010 9:34 pm

Put up a flippin sign if the debit/credit card machine is broken! people go through the drive through cause they are lazy and usually do not have cash. i lost time in the mc donalds drive thru more than once when i got to the damn speaker and they said they only took cash right now. PUT UP A SIGN!

Candice
April 1, 2010 8:05 pm

I was at Wendy’s drive-thru today and had a flashback about this topic…the dude in front of me driving a church mini-van full of kids was screaming his (and the 10 other kids’ in the car) order out the window…everything from the $1 menu…to end his order, he says…”make sure everything is fresh”…what a douche. F*** that guy.

Cody
September 7, 2010 11:13 pm

(works at Steak’n Shake)
I’m sorry but if you come through the drive-thru please know what you want. I mean really, we aren’t hiding menu items from you, there are gigantic pictures of them right in front of you. That includes asking what comes on something, for Christ’s sake if you can’t determine what something is from its picture, like if it has tomato on it, then go home.

Hear is a rule that is a must have:

Please speak clearly and audibly, these speakers aren’t magical and can’t pick up your soft little fairy voice.