Movie Beat 11/20/09

My Trip to the Movies

The newest of the Twilight Saga, New Moon, might easily have been the worst movie I’ve ever seen.  It has, by far, the cheesiest dialog in any movie, ever.  Shit, Point Break has better acting!  In fact, Point Break blows New Moon out of (pun) the water!  Every guy in that movie must have had a vagina, `cause they all acted like it hurt the entire time.  I haven’t seen so many “men” cry on screen since the news coverage of Prop 8 getting passed.  And don’t get me started on the crowd that went to go see it either – It Looked like a Hot Topic blew up right outside of Edwards Cinema.  Guys in the tightest nut huggers and enough guy-liner to make the dude’s from My Chemical Romance look straight!  I must have been the only guy there with a penis and testicles, and Ally HAD to be the oldest chick.  Sitting in a movie theater with 100 screaming 13 year olds made me want to take my own life.  I wish they had some kind of a contraption set up at the theater door that had a spring loaded boxing glove on the end of it.  As they all walked out of the theater, POW, Right in the Kisser!  You can absolutely NOT be a straight man and enjoy this bitch ass saga unless you like shirtless dudes and pussies who cry every five minutes.  But, I love my woman, and I would do anything for her.  Even wait in line for FOUR AND A HALF HOURS just to sit through the cheesiest piece of cinema excrement in history for the next two and a half.  I feel for all the poor saps that get dragged to this movie by their girlfriends (me).  Should you put up with this torture, you deserve be rewarded.  Quite handsomely, I might add.

Should you disagree with my opinion of this flick or want to defend it in any way, shape, or form, feel free to shoot me an e-mail me at IDontGiveAFuckCauseItSucks@gmail.com

    -This has been another one of Oby’s Movie Reviews, thanks for reading.